Chapter 7: When I Thought No One Cared
To those who actually anticipated the release of Chapter 7 of “B.M.i.t.R.W” and didn’t get it last week, my apologies. Let me explain myself a little bit.
I was at a small, intimate Marist gathering at the Marist Brothers Center at Esopus that was called “Glamping” (Camping, but Glamorous). It was a beautiful time spent with the most beautiful people in not so beautiful weather (But I mean, hey! That’s Summer’18 for you, I guess). Huge shoutouts to Monica & Eric (the Regional Chairs of the NJ & NY regions of the Marist Young Adults) for planning such a short, yet beautiful weekend & to those who took the time from their busy schedules to attend. So, I was there from Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning, which means that I had all week to write something up. But I want to be honest with you, friend. I didn’t. I didn’t write anything. I didn’t even try to come up with anything on the fly. Why? Because I thought it didn’t matter. I thought that nothing I could type on this platform mattered enough to anybody to just post at twelve in the morning (or afternoon if the Internet acts up) and beg for people to just click a link and read voluntarily.
I honestly don’t know why I continue to consistently bring myself down and negate the impact of the words I type, but I constantly find myself writing late at night on my phone or computer about something that I’m passionate about only to force people that probably don’t care about what I have to say to read it. Like, why am I doing this? If it’s helping nobody, then why does it exist? When I started blogging on the Marist Youth website, I was told by the legend, Matt Fallon, that my blog, itself, didn’t have to be good, but that had to “be honest and consistent”, I think I’ve done my best in both places, but making it good was the goal. However, I thought I was failing. I started to believe that I was getting pity clicks. People were only checking the chapters just to say that they did so I didn’t feel bad about myself. I started to look at the view count of my friends’ blogs (check out Rob Dittus’s & Diana Alvarado’s latest posts) and got jealous because since they had the views, it looked like more people cared about what they had to say. I didn’t want to just speak for nothing, you know? I’m not getting paid to do this. I’m literally writing to people that hardly know/care about me out of boredom.
So I thought.
When I took the week off, I got responses from random people I didn’t expect to get responses from asking me “where is chapter seven?” The most impactful message I received was from a Roselle Catholic Alumni. For privacy sake, I’ll call him by his nickname “CrippyBob”. He’ll know who he is! Anyways, he hit me up on Facebook, a place where I stopped promoting my blog posts because I thought I was being bothersome. He messaged me asking if I was going to post, but then started to serve me words of wisdom. He advised me to not force myself to post weekly, but instead post whenever my heart wants to, for those would be “more meaningful, flowing, and inciteful”. This man frequently checks up on my blog entries and consistently hands me feedback almost every time while letting me know what’s interesting and what I can fix (which, surprisingly, isn’t many things).
It wasn’t just him. There were a plethora of people that texted me saying that they care to hear the stories that I want to share, to learn the lessons I’m trying to teach, and to receive the love I’m willing to spread. It was at that moment that I realized that I’m not just doing this for my own good. People like this. People read this for reasons I will never fully comprehend. It finally stuck to my head that views do not matter and the people who care that want to read will read, no problem. I just need to be more confident in this blog series because you, my friend, deserve it. If I’m about to give you what you need, I’m not about to halfass it. It’s selfish. I’ll try my best to stay honest and consistent. All you gotta do is show up!
Sincerely Yours Sometimes,
PS: SONG OF THE WEEK: Jessie Reyez - Apple Juice
(Every time I post, I will include a song that may or may not correlate with the topic I write about. This is me thanking you for reading my posts by gifting you with good music.)